Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Recently I've been thinking about struggle a lot, probably because I feel like that's all i've been doing.

I've wondered why it really is that the Lord allows us to go through struggles. When I'm running low on money and I don't know if i'll be able to afford to go home over our next break, or when a little is getting under my skin, or when I'm trying to figure out what i'm going to do next year, or when I have a hard conversation with my parents... what is the Lord's purpose in all of these things?

I told one of my littles the other day, as she is going through a rough patch, that the Lord allows us to go through difficult circumstances in order to grow us and conform us more into His image. I told her that he is preparing her for something that lies ahead that she can't see. I told her that she should rejoice in her struggles because that is when other's will see Christ's power through her more and more. I told her the Lord loves us too much to leave us where we are, so he allows us to go through hard times for our own good, even though it may seem difficult in the moment.

I found myself remembering this conversation when I have been going through some rough patches recently. I know in my heart I believe all of these things to be true, but it is so hard to live that out. Instead, I find myself retreating and becoming angry with God, questioning him, "Don't you see what's going on down here???"

O ye of little faith.
I hear him say in that still small voice.

Lord, increase my faith.

In Him,

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Last 6 Months...

Well... what can I say? I know the posting every week didn't happen, obviously. All I can say is the past 6 months have probably been the hardest, busiest, scariest, best 6 months of my life.

There is no way I could summarize all that has taken place since I came here so I won't even attempt. What I will do is try to share with you a little of what the Lord has been teaching me since i've been here because in the final analysis, that's what it all boils down to anyway.

The first thing that comes to my mind is spiritual community. I was aware from the beginning that this is one of them main aspects of LeadTime, but I must admit, I really had no idea what I was getting into with this. I live and work with some of the most amazing men and women of the Lord that I have ever known. They know me... probably just as well as any group of people have known me in my entire life. They have seen me succeed and be strong and they have seen me fail and be weak and vica versa. I have learned so much about myself, both spiritually and emotionally, and they have been there to observe the entire process. They are there to build me up and encourage me and to catch me when I fall on my face... which I do. We love each other, truly, as Christ intended us to. Now all of this is not to say that we are not human and that we don't fail... but we accept each other's shortcomings and love despite them.

I have truly experienced what the word means when it says our goal should be the same as Christ's: to serve, not to be served. Daily I beat down my selfishness and self-centerdness with a stick and try my best to put other's needs before my own. This is not an easy task. When you wake up at 6am and serve until 12am, it can be daunting. The fact is, however, that my life is not my own, my time is not my own, and my gifts are not my own. These are all Christ's and I will work for him through serving other's until the Lord decides to take me home. This is how other's will know who's disciple you are... by how you love one another.

I'm also learning what it means to lead as Christ leads. I'm realizing (& I feel like God has been teaching me this for a while now) that true leadership happens in the ability to step back and be out of the spotlight. Leadership is developed in opportunities to be humble and compassionate, not prideful and domineering.

Those are just a few sentiments i've take from the last 6 months. I hope there will be more to come here soon, but I won't make any promises. God bless all of you, thanks for reading!

Under His Mercy,